We often associate our abusive thoughts in our heads with ED. But what if ED is trying to say something else to you, that’s underneath it all?
If your eating disorder had a voice, what would it say?
Would it say…
“Fuck you!” or “I love you”
“I want you,” or “I need you,” or “I want you to want me and need me too”
“Go away!” or “Come help me”
“I’m ashamed,” or “I’m scared”
“I’m angry!” or “Why aren’t you angry with me?!”
“I deserve it because _____ …” or “I don’t deserve ______ because…”
“I want to be seen!” or “Don’t look at me!”
“Love me,” or “hate me,” or “I don’t want to disappoint you,” or “This’ll show you…”
Or “I feel sad and I need a reason, because I don’t know why, and I’m not sure I want to find out”
“I can’t handle _____”, or “I would rather die than _____”
Ask ED this question, and notice if something comes up…maybe none of these, or maybe all of them!
Practice, ever so gently, getting the true message out of your body. Whisper it to yourself, when you are alone and no one else will hear you. If you are not ready to use your voice, write it down. You can keep it, burn it, tear it up, or flush it down the toilet.
Notice if a feeling comes, or tears, or a smile or a sigh.
You may find that speaking your truth for even an instant gives you a bizarre and particular comfort, and satisfies a different kind of hunger that is inside of you.